Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Married couples: do you think its ok for your spouse to have a friendship with an ex lover?

Has anyone ever had a deep relationship with someone and if failed and you craved to still have a friendship with that person? Also, if you both still want to be friends and the spouse has serious jealousy issues what do you do about it. Yes maybe there will always be feelings for each other, but you know you just simply love and care for this person like a true friend. Is there possibility of a friendship or am in denial?Married couples: do you think its ok for your spouse to have a friendship with an ex lover?
your spouse has every right to feel threatened, because whenever there is a problem or the marriage hits some rough patches, u begin confiding in the friend, and your marriage suffers. if the spouse is jealous of the friend, and u know it and continue the relationship, in spite of it, it ruins what u have with your spouse. if u still love the person u should never have married some one else. your in denial that u can control things by keeping a relationship with someone u once loved. its always going to turn into an affair, because when u run into problems in the marriage, u know that there is always someone u can go to for emotional help. when your married you end all relationships where u once loved someone, because it really wouldn't take too much to reignite those old feelings u once had.Married couples: do you think its ok for your spouse to have a friendship with an ex lover?
When my husband and I went through the prerequisite counseling before we were married, our pastor told us to cut off all ties to previous relationships and to get rid of anything that we had from those relationships (gifts, photos, letters, etc.). We both agreed that that was a healthy and right decision to make.





Neither of us is the jealous type, but we both wanted to make our commitment to each other solid and clear. We didn't ever want the temptation to fall back into an old relationship if it should ever happen that our marriage would go through a difficult time. Our marriage has to come first always.





You say that you're craving a friendship with this other person and that ';there will always be feelings for each other.'; That sounds awfully dangerous. If you still have feelings for him and crave his presence, then you're not just friends. It sounds like your husband has a good reason to be jealous and even if he doesn't, you need to respect his feelings and get rid of this friendship. If you are truly committed to your husband, this old relationship is not worth ruining your marriage over.
I think that you are in denial, because that person still have your heart. The spouse is not jealousy, she is worried, that she is about to lose out. Wouldn't you be if the shoes was on the other foot. It is possible to have a relationship with you ex- but listen to your own words. You ';craved to have a friendship'; and ';Yes, there will always been feeling for each other';. You are hoping that you can rekindle the relationship, because of failure in the past. I would say you are going to have to make a decision because somebody is going to get hurt in the end. Remember this and hopefully this will help you ';If a person has your heart, than they have a part of your life, because we always follow our heart';. Good luck
when I end the relationship I also end the friendship. I always warn about my rule - some people like it, so no.


In general I am jealous person (I know it's wrong and I am trying to work on it really hard! - but, oh well)


I am not friends with my ex'es and I am expecting this same from my husband (before boyfriends - I always say it before something started).


My husband was friend with his ex for like 8 years... she was cool as long he was single. When she found out about me she started writing him messages like - she looks like me, hugs, kisses and lots of love etc... He tried to tell me that she is just a friend (and yes she was friend his friend for him, but she wanted something more from him!) I explained this to him that friends don't say things like that after they learning about the new relationship and I asked him to stop talking to her (they were only sending emails)


For me past is a past...
NO! friendship is out of the question. something else has been there, and the more you are in contact with that person, the more the past will be brought back up time and again. and if there is ANY jealousy issues, as there will be, you MUST defer to your husband, you married HIM, not the ex, so the husband gets your primary attention. cut off contact with the ex before your husband is ex number 2
I used to be very jealous when I was younger. I didn't even allow my wife to answer calls, however with the years I have learned that in her heart there is room for the persons she once loved and it wouldn't be smart not taking advantage of it. Nowadays when she is 41 she is really enjoying a nice relationship with a guy she dated for three years in college. He is also married and we have made friends with them as a couple. However sometimes they just need to go out and spend some time together. He understand her very well and gives her good counseling and support.
Once an ex has a commitment with someone else you must back off and respect. If you want a friend, go on MySpace or Singles Site or even better yet, get a pet. But please keep yourself out of this guy's life, he has no feelings for you or he would not have married someone else, speak for yourself. Yes, you are in denial. Slap yourself in the face, wipe your tears, raise your head up high and move on with your life. Good luck
If you know that husband doesn't approve of the relationship and have indicated, ';Yes there will always be feelings for each other,'; then it's wrong, in my opinion.





How would you feel if it was your spouse talking to his ex lover that he 'always will have feelings for?';
First off if there is a jealousy issue then you need to get all involved to sit down and talk. This way all can get to know each other and go from there. I dont think its a question of should there be a friendship, sounds more like not knowing about the jealous one.
The key words here are ';spouse has serious jealousy issues';. You have to ask yourself...Is my wanting to be a friend with my former lover worth the damage it will cause to my present relationship?


Which relationship means more to you? Former or present?


Good Luck. :)
I don't think it is a good idea.





There is a saying in my country..';Where there was once a fire, there will always be ashes';.





Why be friends with someone who meant a lot in the past, when you are now married? I think exes should be left where they belong...in the past.
No, if the spouse is not comfortable with it. Yes, if all three are friendly and all is on the up and up with no secrets in the relationship.
The bottom line is the spouse is obviously not comfortable with the situation and out of respect for them and the marriage there should be no contact with the ex.
I think it's okay to continue a friendship with an ex-lover as long as the parties involved agree that all three can be friends, not just the two.
i find nothing wrong with my partner being friends with anyone she wants to... i'm not her keeper... she is her own person and has the right to be friends with anyone she chooses...





i am not the jealous type...
sometimes people could truly have a relationship that have nothing to do with sex


just keep a close eyes on them and try to keep your insecurity hiden from the x
No, unless they had children together
there are no adult relationships without sex...meet me in mildred's playpen
Not only no, but gosh golly no.
HELL NO that's so not right.
No of course not!
I would say NO and tell him how it makes you feel,
No I don't think it's OK??????? If you didn't get along when you were married or dating, then why would you now??????
hell no.
not a good idea
As long as everyone is on the same playing field, I see no problem with it. However, it sounds like the spouse in this story is NOT on the same playing field (I don't know if it's yours or his). But if that is the case, then you have to ask yourself if the past relationship/friendship is worth screwing with the current one.





It's hard to put a real answer to because it's subjective. My best friend in the world is an ex. He has a pregnant fiancee and I have a boyfriend. Both of our S/O's understand that we were friends long before either of them showed up and luckily, neither are the jealous type anyway. I am not the jealous type and I'm also not the type to tell someone who they can and can't hang out with, unless I have a legitimate reason for doing so...and in my mind ';You used to date them.'; isn't legit enough.





With all that said though, if you were my spouse and were saying things like ';Yes maybe there will always be feelings for each other'; then I wouldn't be okay with you two hanging out alone. That's just playing with fire.
I am friends and talk every couple days to my last serious BF. He was hubby's best friend. We all cared about each other. This relationship was 13 years prior to reconnecting though so my husband and I are far more deeply bonded and a little less jealous. He is stationed overseas so he and I do not have access to one another. Sometimes the conversation is sexual, at my instigation but it is never serious and my husband is aware. There can be a little jealousy (things come up in life in general) but we mature and secure enough to not let that get in the way of talking to someone we both had a lot of fun with way back when! Anyway, if it werent for this other guy--my husband and I would not have what we have today!


So, yes--you can have friendship with an ex even when jealousy may exist. Remember, I moved from one guy to another here! but the past is the past--yes, I still care about what happens in ex's life but not at all like I do with my husband and my husband knows that. My ex knows that too believe it or not. I enjoy the friendship we have now formed, he was and still is a great guy---just like my husband. I am proud of myself that I chose so well, even when I was young!


My husband and he talk regularly as well and it's such a great thing that we can all get along in spite of the transition we made.

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